Why am I so scared to loose weight...?

I saw the scale hit 300lbs and cried, but the weird thing is that now 30lbs lighter and people are noticing. Mostly men who I work with and that is fine and dandy but I don't gain any self confidence and I feel worse without the weight. I have never been skinny and I guess letting go of an identity that I have always had is harder then I think. I love me and I am not doing this for anyone but me, I am getting married and do not want to be a white blob I wanted that womanly figure and look as my fiance makes me feel. I do not know. It is so weird and so confusing. I think one of the bigs things and I mean that literally is that I lost that 30lbs and gained a cup size. Any insight?